Residents Agree: Fireworks At Beach Not as Fun as they Used to Be

PRESS RELEASE

The Fourth of July at Port Hueneme Beach used to be a real bang, but now it’s a bore. So say many Port Hueneme residents who miss the old days when spectacular displays of dangerous illegal fireworks were commonplace.

“You can barely see the fireworks at the harbor from here, so we used to bring our own fireworks,” said one resident with bright red hair and countless tattoos who preferred to remain anonymous for this inteview. “We would set up ammo tents and fire off rockets all night long, but now you can barely light a sparkler without getting nabbed by the fuzz.”

Police closely monitor the beach on ATVs and are quick to stop any illegal fireworks activity and confiscate all illegal fireworks.

“I’m scared to even light my cigarette,” said another resident known only as Flameboy. “I keep expecting a cop to throw a bucket of water in my face.”

Signs posted around the beach warn residents of the zero tolerance policy in effect.

“The guys that used to come out here weren’t professional, but they weren’t amateur either,” said Flameboy. “They were amateur professionals, and had some really good stuff from Mexico. We miss them.”